When I was younger..

Though adulthood comes with all its perks, there are a number of times when you want to go back to those days of abandon and nonchalance. Everybody when looks back yearns to be transported back to their schooldays- when as cliched it may sound all you wanted was to watch television when you were not supposed to or not be asked to study or clean your room...

But I beg to differ.

Honestly I do not want to go back to my days of childhood. Recently I stumbled upon a few young bloggers, (who I must say write brilliantly) and I could see specks of myself in every post. The insecurity, the envy, the ambition, the self- pep talks, the love, the attachment, the faith, the disgust, the fears..it all came gushing back to me as I went through their blogs.

"We are adults!!

How did that happen? 

And how do we make it stop? "

- Meredith Grey

It is like choosing the lesser evil. In the good old days life was just as capricious as it is right now.

To Blog...With Love

A smile comes to me whenever I see their update on my dashboard- these are a few bloggers whom I love to read. And a comment from them, makes my day! So, this is to you all... :)


Judy Balan- The best piece of shit in this world. I love the humor that comes out of all the cribs. And Oh those one liners :) You have to read it, to believe it.
Blunt Edges- He can't really be called a blogger. He's a zombie who roams around in the blogosphere commenting on people's blog from time to time! But he's damn good at it :D
Asif- He is a sensitive writer, who comes across as an absolute genuine human being.
Sunshine- She is the whiff of fresh air. Even her mundane writing gives me a new perspective all the time.
In the Meantime- He is an evolving writer. I absolutellllly love some of his last posts \m/
Chloe- If only you wrote more often, Chloe! :) You know you are loved! Get well Soon.
Vivify- She is an inspiration. I look forward to her posts ALL THE TIME.
Reflections- She has gone for a sabbatical and is totally missed in the blog world. I love her sarcasm and her adorable daughters. Like mothers, like daughters? Come back, Nancy.
Preeti- She is The writer :) I love her effortless writing. She is the positive beam of light on my blog :D

Thank you all for being a part of my Blog life!
Have a happy day ahead :)

A Happy Friendship Day...Not !

All I got to have all my life was acquaintances. Not friends. 

Can we have a 'Happy' Acquaintance day for me?

I was one introvert kid. The real shy one who has to be dragged out of the room to be introduced to the guests at home, who walks around in the park with hands at the back looking at kids playing, who waits for people to ask her if she wants to play, who keeps her mouth shut in front of strangers, who rehearses lines in her mind before talking for the first time....

Am not that anymore. Thankfully so. But a major part of my life I was like that. And it was not easy. Moving from place to place only made it worse. Making friends was not my thing. Honestly, I don't think I ever made friends. Even the acquaintances I have from my childhood are the people who came up to me and tried to be friends. Everything was transitory for me. After one point of time, I started looking at everything as something that will ultimately fade away. And that might be one reason why I could never make friends. First, I never met the right people. Second, I never made an effort. Because everything was ephemeral. I looked at everything from the point of view of next one year, two years or three years that I would have to be with them. I would have 'moved on' in my mind already .

But one good thing that happened in the process was that I became very very close to my family. Because that was the only thing constant in my life, even when I moved from one city to another. As an adolescent or a teenager I don't think I had ever been a problem for my parents. I was fairly good at studies. I listened to my parents. My parents were very very understanding. And I had an elder sister who's not a brat either. So on the family front, I just got the perfect family who would stand by me all through.

So when I look around, and see people hanging out together being like the best of buddies, I feel a void in my heart. Circumstances have never let me have friends. Ones I could really call Friends. Someone who would fit those cliched lines in the Archies cards that people exchange on Friendship day.

And now though I am not that introvert kid anymore, and can talk my mind when I have to- I am not particularly a People's person. I can only handle acquaintances now. If somebody tries to be very friendly, I can not digest it. I start maintaining a distance. At the outside, I might be the happy bubbly jumpy girl who everybody likes to talk to, but inside I am the dark cloudy woman who shuns people because she's scared to lose them after having them once.

...and I am NOT a man yet!!

IF By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

... and I am NOT a man yet!!

L if E revolves around the word ‘if’. Literally.


IF is one of my most favourite poems. Every time I read it, I connect to it at different levels. I can see tiny specks of my life in every line of this poem. But if only it was really so inspirational. It is. But I doubt if things really do work this way in our lives anymore.

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise"

Like really???
Kipling proclaims that the earth will be all his- he who can follow all the IF conditions of the poem. That ‘he’ really got to be something. An advertising person perhaps- he who wears a thick skin, accepts all the brickbats, holds his head high, swaggers to his office everyday and wears a smile to survive in the sadistic atmosphere of Advertising. A thankless, carnivorous, contentious world to be in.

And I realised today, this poem was indeed written for people like me. All those who are anywhere related to advertising industry, ponder over it for a minute. It really is for us.

The roar.

Just because the Lion has not roared yet doesn’t mean he’s not a Lion really. He is a Lion. A mighty one at that. The majesty of the jungle. And when time comes he will roar and swoop and do what he’s meant to do in his life. But why is he waiting? What indolence? The foxes and the elephants are doing their tricks. What if the Lion doesn’t get the chance to pounce and command his worth? What if he ends up living all his life under the highness of the morons of the jungle? Why doesn’t he roar?

Calm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFt7VKK6OP8&feature=related

My latest therapeutic song.One that calms all my storms.

:-/ :) :D

F@#$% off, girl. You have no right to be angry really. Learn to be a little more mature. Stop over reacting!

Phew!
Well that was for my current roommate who’s way too unreasonable for me to be able to live with her. I am here for one month and she has already picked up fights twice. The first time I totally ignored, but she’s a tad too cranky. I gave her a piece of my mind this time and walked off without listening to her. Why should I take her shit! And she better not talk to me after this. I have another ten days to go, and she better mind her business.
And she wants to enter the PR industry. Bollocks. That’s the reason why you are not getting a job, you know you bi$&%! *all the abuses I know*

Anyways, let me revel in the goodness of today :)
Today was one of those easy going days. Last night was terrible with a marathon power cut. And mosquitoes. It was a stormy evening which followed that dreary night. I had nothing to do in the candle-less dark night.
On Friday Ankur, the boss, assigned one day to each intern and asked them to make a speech for HALF AN HOUR on any topic of our choice. What the heck, half an hour! And Monday was my turn.
My weekend was ruined. All I thought was about the topics I could speak on. And who the hell makes a speech for half an hour. I was so irritated. I had one awesome weekend despite all the ‘pressure’. Weekend is a different story altogether. I had whole lot of fun with my friends. Had the most awesome-est dinner and breakfast; and that calls for another blog post :)

Yea so coming back to the point. Half an hour of me talking on ONE topic. Hahaha. I thought of so many different things that I could speak about but nothing seemed convincing enough. And then after thinking a lot I finally pinned down one subject on which I could talk at lengths. And yet not sound very serious and boring.

I spoke about my childhood experience of moving from one city to another and how I absolutely hated it. Of the days I cried and despised my dad’s job; and how at the end of it all I am not so angry anymore, and how it has actually helped me to evolve as a person taking bits from every place I’ve lived in, and how that is a strength being in the advertising industry.

It was not a half an hour long speech. But I guess I could keep the audience glued to what I was speaking. And that is what was important. I enjoyed every moment of that when I did not know what my next word is going to be. I just spoke. At random. And made complete sense. And in a matter of few minutes it was over. I was relieved.

I am not too fond of public speaking, especially when I am asked to speak. I was a bundle of nerves since the morning for that one ten minutes which passed by rather easily.

I love that feeling when all the eyes are on me and the only voice I can hear is mine. People listening intently like slowly getting drenched with every word I am saying. And that smile that says I have touched a chord somewhere. I absolutely love that feeling.

Before making the speech I could not stop grumbling about my boss’ idea. But I am glad I spoke. That feeling I love.

P.S: I don't abuse all that much ;) that girl just took it too far