Ask . Be vulnerable .

How difficult is it to ask? To ask for what you want. To ask what you want to know. To ask for help. To ask for more. By asking, you open a window. Through this window, either a strong wind can gush in and create a storm, making you feel disheveled  or it could be a comforting breeze or a beam of warm sunshine that will make you feel at home, more than you ever were. Asking makes us vulnerable. It is an emotional risk. And you may get hurt after all. All you need to ask yourself is whether it is worth getting hurt. Would you rather not have it at all, or take the risk of being trampled over?

By being vulnerable you can understand whether it is worth the risk. You keep yourself spread open to be devoured, to be exploited. Is that foolish, being vulnerable? But isn’t vulnerability the only truth? Everybody hides. Everybody wants to be bullet proof. Deep inside, under the layers of confidence, there is always a speck of unsure uncertain being. And what happens when you let someone unlayer you? It is a common grievance- You don’t understand me. But for anybody to understand you, you need to be vulnerable. Show them who you are. With all your imperfections. You need courage to be vulnerable. You need courage to show that you are not perfect. That your life is not perfect. You need to know that you are only human. Humans make mistakes. We were born to be imperfect. And it is these tiny imperfections that make you an individual. It is that raw vulnerability that is so attractive. Being raw, and not being pasted with the glitter of the environment around. The glitter needs to come from within.

When you are a child, you have no qualms about asking coz that is how you see things. You ask for it, either you get it or you don’t. And if you still want it, you ask again. And again. You show how badly you want it. But as you grow up, you stop asking. You don’t want to look desperate. ‘I can do without it, what is the big deal’- you try to ‘grow up’. How difficult was it to ask your parents that you wanted to hear a story? How difficult was it to ask that you wanted another serving of that ice-cream? How difficult was it to ask that you wanted a bicycle for your birthday? How difficult was it to ask that you wanted to play for another hour? It was not. But as you grow up you feel that asking makes you look lesser. It is almost an obligation. It is almost like you are begging. But it is not. When you can ask for something, giving out your naked vulnerable self, you establish a connection. An emotional connection. That shows how much you want something. That you are ready to forget who you are, and ask without being scared of being trampled over. When you asked your parents that you wanted a bicycle for your birthday, you were more than certain that it won’t happen. But you go right ahead and ask. Why? Coz you are not afraid of putting yourself out there, with all your hopes, all your needs, all your desires. 

I have always been the kind who had problems asking for something I wanted. I wanted people to read my mind, to understand what I needed at that moment. So much so, and my family would nod their heads in agreement, I would have trouble asking for food if I was hungry. If somebody asked me if I wanted another slice, I would say no, coz I didn't want to seem greedy or whatever, even if I was hungry and in my own home! So yes, asking doesn't come easy to me. But I have learnt in the past couple of years, that 'asking' takes you a long way. More than anything, it clears your head. . .without wondering, what if I had asked?