I love to cry

Now this post may sound unusual. But well, I am a little like that :P
Yes, I love to cry. Tears have always been connoted with sorrow and tragedy. And there have been so many poems written and dialogues penned in movies to say how tears emote grief. And I don't really beg to differ. When I say I love to cry, I mean it in the very archetype way it is perceived by people at large. And it is weird I know.

Be it a sappy movie or poignant words in a book, I just love to cry. As a matter of fact, I'd rate my affection for something or someone based on how much I have cried for/on it. Like for example, the recent movie Guzaarish couldn't evoke a single tear off my chest (I KNOW... a very bad example :D). Now that means..somewhere it did not strike a chord with me, and the movie is meh! Like... I did not cry? That's my reaction!

Similarly, if I write something and my mom cries after reading it.. I actually feel very good. And it's not sadism, mind you. It's just me :P

Not only this, I cry even at accomplishments.. Like if I see a really really awesome dance or some one singing superb and know how much hard work has gone into it, I tend to shed tears.. If someone bounces back from failure, I cry.. all this out of happiness of course..

So I am like this tear vending machine.. but I don't cry in public.. and in case that happens, I at least don't howl and cry like I usually would.. (ok that's an exaggeration, people) In public, I cry like a lady ;) .. with warm tears kissing my cheeks.. and a straight sober face..

I would call myself an extremist I think, coz as much I can cry over a fall of a hat, I am a laugh riot all the same. Ok perhaps not laugh. But yea..am quite the smiling kinds :) heeheee.. :D (am sure you must have noticed the deluge of smileys in all my posts and comments) :) haaa... there you go again :)

Dil to baccha hai ji !!

I have some awesome blogger friends who write such interesting posts that I get all perked up to write on similar lines. One such interesting post is that by Pepper on childhood misconceptions :) it is a cute innocent post of a kid mind, please go ahead and enjoy it!

Here goes my list :)

1. My father happens to be an M. Pharm person. He used to work in Dabur as a production manager when I was about 6 years old. And the curious person that I was (am!!) I would stick around listening to my father talk to his office colleagues or at times even accompanying him to office during my summer break. For many years, I thought my dad was doing something 'wrong' and 'illegal', and would fear that he'd get caught one day. Reason? He used to deal with DRUGS!!! And the new car and the new house, only reaffirmed my thoughts that my father is doing illegal things :P

2. Being the pampered one in the family, I have always lived a very protected life. As a child, therefore, I was very scared of losing my family. I was scared of deaths and would cry endlessly just thinking about it. I still remember the time when I found out that everybody dies eventually. I was shocked to know that and confirmed it from my mother to finally accept it. Before that, I thought only bad people die. Good and kind people live. Now that equation is so simple!

3. Talking about that, I always thought that doctors or lawyers get their money only if they are able to cure the patient or win the case (respectively)

4. Like all kids know :P I always knew that babies are born from the stomach as doctor operates on it! The stretch marks on the tummy were quite an evidence.

5. My mom would always discard the clothes I would have outgrown saying,''these clothes have become small (for you)" and I would take it too literally assuming that the clothes are getting smaller day by day and hope that they'd fit my doll one day! :)

6. My sister is almost six years elder to me, which is a huge age gap and 'understanding' gap when you are watching television together. We'd be watching some funny act together, and my sister would start laughing 'understanding' the joke, while I'd be sitting dumbfounded looking at her. And I'll ask,"you got the joke?" She would be in a dilemma... coz if she says 'yes' then she'd have to explain the joke to the-six-year-younger-me and if she says 'no' I'd ask WHY she was laughing! I was quite irritating that way :P So my sister never liked watching TV when I was around, which basically meant that I was thrown out of the room :)

7. As a kid I was always confused wondering who was the elder one between my mom and my dad :) Dad looked tall and big, and went out to work..so he must be the elder one..but mom would scold dad and me, and we listened to her all the time..then she must be the elder one...
:P Who's the boss?

These are the few that come to my mind as of now... but the inquisitive kid that I was (yes, I am that kid who asked a lot of questions!! :P) I am sure I had a lot of misconceptions :)

Thanks Pepper..for letting me revisit my childhood :)

Wedding awesomeness

I love weddings. Haven’t been to many; perhaps that is the reason why it stirs so much excitement into me. All the people in my family and clan tied their knots when I was too young to understand matrimony. The only weddings I have enjoyed and ooh-aah ed over are the filmy weddings. How my smile stays stuck when I watch Hum Aapke Hain Kaun! :D And how I go gaga over wedding pictures of all celebrities or people I know. I love going through wedding albums.

And now I have a first hand experience of it all. Not my wedding, duh! My sister’s wedding. I have been super excited about it all along. Also because it was my only chance to enjoy bengali weddings, soaking myself in all the pleasures vicariously.

Although in my heart I was a little sad that I won’t be enjoying any of that in my wedding, I think I made up for it by having whole lot of fun anyways. For the uninitiated, my boyfriend is Christian. And though bengali weddings are extremely pretty to say the least, honestly I don’t think I want one anymore. And well, Christian weddings seem quite splendid anyway (from all the rom-coms I devour :P)

Coming back to my sister’s wedding… I was almost like a guest there since I reached home only 2 days prior to the wedding. But I made up for it by staying back for a few days after the wedding. Tee hee J The wedding in totality was quite a long affair thanks to all the hundred customs that we have. But it was so much fun. Some customs were outright infuriating and the feminist in me was yelling inside.  Like there was a custom where the groom’s mother would ask her son (this is before the baraat starts off for the venue), “Where are you going, son?” And the son has to reply, “I am going to get a slave for you, mother.” I was shell shocked when I heard this. I, as a representative from the bride’s family, had gone to escort the groom to the venue. I was really dumbfounded. R (my sister’s husband) is a sweetheart really, but such customs are just so downright offensive!

But overall… getting married is awesome :P especially with all the attention (and the gifts) that you get :D

Speaking about R, he is one gem of a person. Everybody who has met him in my family has loved him instantly. Right from elders to the irritating adolescents, he just gets along with everybody. That amazes me no end and I’m really happy that he’s fitted in so well with the fabric of our family. Before I even met him, I had had a bigggg argument with him :P (on gtalk :P) but things are brilliant between us now and he’s like a big brother I never had. Happy happy.

P.S: Guess what, it has not even been a month since my sister’s wedding, and my mom is being informed about suitable matches for her younger daughter. Very flattering I must say ;)

The New me?

My internship has started. This means I am going to blog more often. Why? Because I’ll have something new to crib talk about. So officially two days into internship and I have spent more time travelling in the bus than in the office. Believe you me, this is not an exaggeration. Just my luck. First day they sent me back. I know! Woke up early morning 7 o’ clock (IT IS EARLY), hurriedly had my favourite Monday breakfast, ran to the bus stop, took more than two hours to reach the office, thanks to morning traffic. Only to come back? Yes. Some internal miscommunication- the reason if you may wonder.

Anyways, I took it in my stride- after of course whining about it for a few minutes to my folks. Second day i.e. today I am not sent back. But I am asked to study consumers. So again, No office for me. Without divulging into details let me tell u, all I have to do is observe people. And write a report on it at the end of the day. *sigh* DONE.

I have no complaints though. I enjoyed what I did. I intimidated people by staring at them- something I wouldn’t do in my usual sensible self. As it is I don’t have a very happy or welcoming face when I am around people I don’t know or like. I usually have this cold look. And people most often think I am pissed off all the time. It is so much fun to see people’s reaction when they get to know me. Oh! Am full of surprises :D

I travelled a lot in these two days. In Bus. On foot. O, I love to walk, by the way. In Bangalore, I have never travelled alone. Ok not never, but seldom. Whenever I go out, it is with S, so I never really have to go alone anywhere. All the Bangalore that I have seen till now is thanks to S’s bike. O, I hate bike rides, by the way.

This was not the case in Pune. I was forbidden (by MOM!) to get on a bike. I usually took an auto or a bus. And there I have travelled alone a LOT of times. My CAT coaching was far far away; that was one regular journey every week. Apart from that I’d go to meet my sister or parents at times or for some sundry work.

But travelling alone this time felt so different.

I was scared.

I put my bold self in front when in public. But deep down inside I’m anxious all the time. In these two days I realised that I need to get back to my old self. With him by my side, I never have to worry about anything. I walk around in abandon knowing he is around to watch out. I never realised I had become so dependent. While I like the sense of security when he’s around, I don’t want to become this scared person that I have become!

I used to love living alone in my room, waiting for my room mates to go home. And this time too, I was so happy to have the entire room to myself. But I felt scared at night. This does not happen with ME!! I never get scared. I used to pride myself with the fact that I’m not girlie and can take care of myself. Why did I get scared last night then? Why do I triple check all the latches? Why do I keep the lights switched on at night? Why am I scared to look behind?

Could it be because I have stopped praying?

I watched the movie “Taken” the other day. And it just fuelled all my thoughts. It is one heck of a movie. Those who haven’t watched, please DO.

More later. Ta!

Reveries

My blog has been dormant for a while now. It needs a little spicing up and talking to be called alive. And though I have had a number of blog posts in my head all this while, they never culminated into writing. They were the kind of thoughts I woke up to a random morning, or imagined sitting on the pot, or something that struck me while pretending to listen to the lecturer, or hop just about when I'd be dreaming.

My exams are going on right now and have a four day break in between. One week after exams, I am going to start another internship. Two weeks into that, I'd be off to homeland.  Di's wedding! Soon after that, which is two weeks, I'd be back to resume my internship. And after another four weeks, I'd be back to college. So like that my life is almost planned till the end of this year. With no plans for Christmas or New year coz that is when I'd be working!

I love planning. I love peeping into probable future and daydream/plan :D And lately I have been ruminating a lot. 

I remember the first day of my CAT classes, I was asked to write a page on "Where do you see yourself ten years hence?" And I was clueless. Anyhow I wrote more than a page. And sounded convincing too. Now at 22, when I try to imagine my next ten years, I am flustered. Time is flying. The third decade of my life has already begun and there is so much to do! The last ten years were so slow. I was ten- the innocuous life I led not caring two hoots about what I wanted to see myself as in future. One day I wanted to be a fashion designer, another day an architect, next an air hostess or a doctor. Woah!

And now as I try peeping into my future- the next ten years- I only wish I had more years in this decade. I wish I could fit in just a few more years before I turned thirty! Ideally in the next 8 years- I have to build a career, earn a lot of money, have a house of my own, get married and have kids! Like really? All of this in 8 years? Okay may be house can wait, but the rest of it, I doubt! The Neocortex of my brain is evidently hyper active right now, but when everybody around you is getting married and you see other people settled in life, you wonder- Am I getting there?

However, I am content with what I have right now. And I have a lot to look forward to. I am happy about that. I am happy that at least I'm sure of where I am heading. I am not clueless like others my age (referring to my friends) who don't know what they want in life. They are just about ready to take whatever comes their way. They don't have a choice. I don't understand that. Perhaps they are more flexible and change their roads as they go. But how directionless and unstable could that get!

image courtesy: deviantart

Don't want to ruin it with a post title

It's been quite some time since I posted something. Not because I had nothing to say. Mundaneness of my life always gives me things to talk about. Even if that means I crib. But it's time I posted something sensible on my blog, considering my dwindling readers. And my waning interest in blogging.

Anyhow.

I have this 'Creative Planning' module in my Advertising course where I am given a H.W. (I like the sound of home work :P better than assignments). And the Oh-so-awesome creative person that I am, I just can't think of anything for my H.W. The task is simple. I have to make 3 ads on "Obeying traffic rules". It is simple. But there is a catch. The teacher gave us a proposition on which we have to work (which actually makes it simpler, but difficult at the same time) The proposition is-- ok whatever, I am spending a lot of time on trivial things. This is going to be a Serious post!

Yea so. For this assignment when I started looking at stuff online- I found this heart wrenching story of a girl named Jacqueline who survived a major major road accident which was a case of drunken driving. I had briefly come across this story a few years back, but never really bothered digging deep. Today when I read through all the related matter available online, I was disconcerted. 

Jacqueline is almost as old as I am. And the kind of predicament she's been through doesn't even compare to what we crib about in our daily life. We lament for a bigger house, a better boss, a slimmer figure, a fatter salary, a longer holiday- what we fail to notice are the gifts we are already blessed with. And I am definitely guilty! I whine a great deal of things not going right in my life. And to tell you the truth, I guess it is deliberate denial. I don't like reading newspapers, I don't like listening to news. It only brings distress to my life. And seldom when I do read newspaper, my day turns out very bad. Like today, I read a news article on eve teasing in Kerala. And it infuriated me to no end. I kept thinking about that.

I found a clip on youtube where Jacqueline talks about enduring through the ups and downs of life. And though I know, I may forget all of this in a few days, and live my mundane life and crib and dream and hope and fall and rise and smile and hop and cry and whine and live... 

...for now I feel totally blessed and indebted for all I have in my world.

O Advertising!

**sigh**

End of a marathon weekend. 

I had been yearning for a long holiday, and when I finally got one I became all the more lazy. I am not looking forward to another Monday and more assignments.

So what did I do this holiday?

I indulged in a lot of introspection. Off late I have become this grumpy person. The only solace is the phonecalls from home when I somehow get detached from this carnivorous world around me. So this weekend I spent a lot of time with myself doing nothing. I stayed perched on my bed all through. Got up only to go to the mess. 

I want college to get over. And how much ever you say that I am going to look back at these days and sigh and long to get back, right at this moment I only want the time to fly. And I really hope what lies ahead is better than present.

Things I did-

This weekend I listened to a lot of Dave Matthews band- on repeat.

I did another post on my new blog. Here. You should check :) especially if you are from Bangalore. I caught up on reading. Online though. Watched a few ads I had missed off late. Browsed through advertising portals. Apart from that I stalked people on Facebook. Ok so now don't think I am this compulsive-lunatic-stranger-stalking woman coz I AM NOT. For my defence, I'd say am a curious woman :D. Anyways so this female who I was facebook stalking is a successful woman working in Advertising. I saw her picture in one of the news articles and wondered how old she was. And there it started. I facebooked her :) only to find that she was 40 :O when she looked so much younger. Her life looked dreamy- great career, great husband, great kids. Rosy hued. Everything just about perfect. And I got lost in my own fantasy land, imagining my future- whining about my crappy present- and mentally making a note of what I want in life.

I was 17 when I decided to make Advertising my career choice. And though I won't say I regret, I sure was naive. It was not the glamour (does it even exist?) of advertising, it was the excitement of creating ideas and the love for advertisements that hooked me. And I am still dazed. Advertising has now become a partner I am in a relationship with for past 5 years. 

And...I am dying to get married! 

In the course of my relationship I have been tempted to astray many a times, especially in the past one and half years when I came to understand the nuances of the industry. Before that- the first three years of our courtship, I was this loyal woman defending and representing Advertising where ever I went. But the deepest thought of infidelity came upon when I saw the glorious options of Brand Management, Media Research and Media planning in last one and half years considering the alluring pay package and freedom of work they offer. And though all these options are still connected to 'branding and advertising' per se, it is not really ADVERTISING, isn't it? 

And so being the faithful partner I shall stand by you, Advertising, come what may.