Chronicles of a Sleepaholic

I have always been a night owl. That’s the most comfortable part of my day when I can focus and get work done. But things spiral down if I have to wake up early. I need my 8 hours of sleep. If I don’t get enough sleep, I am cranky like a 4-year-old who refuses to go to school. I refuse to be an adult with a job.

In my perfect world, I will fall asleep as soon as I hit the bed at 11:30pm and wake up at 7:30am. My work timings are – 8:30am to 5:30pm (unless there are multiple projects and travelling – in that case I take my work home because I don’t like to sit in office). It takes about 15 minutes to commute between workplace and home. So if I leave home by 8:15am, I can reach work by 8:30am. And I can have a good morning. But that is the ideal scenario. Reality is something like this.

11:30pm

Tossing and turning on the bed. Scrolling through Facebook on phone. Reading a book. Looking at the ceiling. Looking at the watch. Going to the loo. Drinking water. Feeling hungry. Thinking about all the mistakes I have made in life. Tossing and turning. Thinking about all the great things I will do in life. Going to the loo. Looking at the time. 

Somewhere between all this I fall asleep, maybe at 1am or so.

6:45am

Ding dong! The household help comes. I get up to open the door and get back into my blanket. She enters the kitchen and starts doing the dishes. I fall deeper into sleep with the sound of those singing utensils. She runs around the house, dusting and sweeping the floors, and in record time of 15 minutes, she finishes all the work. I get up again to close the door.

Alarm 1 at 7:00am

I immediately shut it off. At this point, I am quite wide-awake. Closing the main door, checking the balcony door, the kitchen door, requires me to keep my eyes open. But I can hear the blanket calling out to me, almost pleading, so I slip right back in telling myself that I will wake up in 15 minutes. 7 o’ clock alarm is actually meant for those days when my help has not arrived on time and I call her to check which child has fallen sick again.

Alarm 2 at 7:15am

I immediately shut it off. Alarms can be really noisy, you know. I turn on the other side and prepare myself to get up. I think of all the things I have to do, I imagine myself doing them – brushing my teeth, sitting on the pot, going for a shower, wearing my clothes, packing my tiffin, toasting my bread . . .

Alarm 3 at 7:30am

What? I am still asleep? I thought I had already woken up! What is happening to me! I weep a little at this point. I tell myself how life is unfair, how I don’t want to go to office. Then I start contemplating if I should take a sick leave. I don’t have an important meeting today; I will tell the HR that my bones are aching.

Alarm 4 at 7:45am

*slap my phone* Ugh I am getting late! Hmm. . . but my tiffin is already packed, I can have an apple for breakfast in the auto, and didn’t I take a shower last night? Who takes a bath twice in less than 24 hours? That too during winters! In Delhi! It’s ok; I’ll take no time to get ready. I will just jump from the bed and plonk down on my office chair. I pull the blanket closer. It is so cold outside and the blanket is so warm. I don’t want to go to office. More weeping.

Alarm 5 at 8:00am

FML!

I sit up, my legs still in my blanket (sometimes I stay in Child’s Pose before I sit up). I look around with eyes half closed (or you can say eyes half open if you are an optimist). I rub my eyes, heave a big sigh, look at the time (8:05am) and throw away the blanket in horror.

Everything happens in Fast-Forward here on.

Alarm 6 at 8:15am

With one leg inside my jeans (oh yes I wear casuals to work, teehee) and the other leg abandoned in cold – I limp my way to my phone lying on the other side of the bed, and shut off the alarm.

Alarm 7 at 8:30am

I am in the kitchen usually at this time or in the auto, depending upon ‘circumstances’.

By 8:45am I reach the office, just in time, using the 15-minute grace.

When I count my number of hours of sleep, I tell myself that I woke up at 6:45am, coz I did, didn’t I?