Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The New me?

My internship has started. This means I am going to blog more often. Why? Because I’ll have something new to crib talk about. So officially two days into internship and I have spent more time travelling in the bus than in the office. Believe you me, this is not an exaggeration. Just my luck. First day they sent me back. I know! Woke up early morning 7 o’ clock (IT IS EARLY), hurriedly had my favourite Monday breakfast, ran to the bus stop, took more than two hours to reach the office, thanks to morning traffic. Only to come back? Yes. Some internal miscommunication- the reason if you may wonder.

Anyways, I took it in my stride- after of course whining about it for a few minutes to my folks. Second day i.e. today I am not sent back. But I am asked to study consumers. So again, No office for me. Without divulging into details let me tell u, all I have to do is observe people. And write a report on it at the end of the day. *sigh* DONE.

I have no complaints though. I enjoyed what I did. I intimidated people by staring at them- something I wouldn’t do in my usual sensible self. As it is I don’t have a very happy or welcoming face when I am around people I don’t know or like. I usually have this cold look. And people most often think I am pissed off all the time. It is so much fun to see people’s reaction when they get to know me. Oh! Am full of surprises :D

I travelled a lot in these two days. In Bus. On foot. O, I love to walk, by the way. In Bangalore, I have never travelled alone. Ok not never, but seldom. Whenever I go out, it is with S, so I never really have to go alone anywhere. All the Bangalore that I have seen till now is thanks to S’s bike. O, I hate bike rides, by the way.

This was not the case in Pune. I was forbidden (by MOM!) to get on a bike. I usually took an auto or a bus. And there I have travelled alone a LOT of times. My CAT coaching was far far away; that was one regular journey every week. Apart from that I’d go to meet my sister or parents at times or for some sundry work.
But travelling alone this time felt so different.

I was scared.

I put my bold self in front when in public. But deep down inside I’m anxious all the time. In these two days I realised that I need to get back to my old self. With him by my side, I never have to worry about anything. I walk around in abandon knowing he is around to watch out. I never realised I had become so dependent. While I like the sense of security when he’s around, I don’t want to become this scared person that I have become!

I used to love living alone in my room, waiting for my room mates to go home. And this time too, I was so happy to have the entire room to myself. But I felt scared at night. This does not happen with ME!! I never get scared. I used to pride myself with the fact that I’m not girlie and can take care of myself. Why did I get scared last night then? Why do I triple check all the latches? Why do I keep the lights switched on at night? Why am I scared to look behind?

Could it be because I have stopped praying?

I watched the movie “Taken” the other day. And it just fuelled all my thoughts. It is one heck of a movie. Those who haven’t watched, please DO.

More later. Ta!

Friday, October 15, 2010


My blog has been dormant for a while now. It needs a little spicing up and talking to be called alive. And though I have had a number of blog posts in my head all this while, they never culminated into writing. They were the kind of thoughts I woke up to a random morning, or imagined sitting on the pot, or something that struck me while pretending to listen to the lecturer, or hop just about when I'd be dreaming.

My exams are going on right now and have a four day break in between. One week after exams, I am going to start another internship. Two weeks into that, I'd be off to homeland.  Di's wedding! Soon after that, which is two weeks, I'd be back to resume my internship. And after another four weeks, I'd be back to college. So like that my life is almost planned till the end of this year. With no plans for Christmas or New year coz that is when I'd be working!

I love planning. I love peeping into probable future and daydream/plan :D And lately I have been ruminating a lot. 

I remember the first day of my CAT classes, I was asked to write a page on "Where do you see yourself ten years hence?" And I was clueless. Anyhow I wrote more than a page. And sounded convincing too. Now at 22, when I try to imagine my next ten years, I am flustered. Time is flying. The third decade of my life has already begun and there is so much to do! The last ten years were so slow. I was ten- the innocuous life I led not caring two hoots about what I wanted to see myself as in future. One day I wanted to be a fashion designer, another day an architect, next an air hostess or a doctor. Woah!

And now as I try peeping into my future- the next ten years- I only wish I had more years in this decade. I wish I could fit in just a few more years before I turned thirty! Ideally in the next 8 years- I have to build a career, earn a lot of money, have a house of my own, get married and have kids! Like really? All of this in 8 years? Okay may be house can wait, but the rest of it, I doubt! The Neocortex of my brain is evidently hyper active right now, but when everybody around you is getting married and you see other people settled in life, you wonder- Am I getting there?

However, I am content with what I have right now. And I have a lot to look forward to. I am happy about that. I am happy that at least I'm sure of where I am heading. I am not clueless like others my age (referring to my friends) who don't know what they want in life. They are just about ready to take whatever comes their way. They don't have a choice. I don't understand that. Perhaps they are more flexible and change their roads as they go. But how directionless and unstable could that get!

image courtesy: deviantart