Tuesday, September 2, 2014

S turns 26 *big smile*

Keeping up with the tradition of birthday posts, here is the one for this year. People usually are busy partying or doing whatever rocks their boat on their birthday, how do I get the time to write every birthday? I wonder. I remember saying on my 23rd Birthday that I am waiting for my 27th Birthday – that it feels like I would be a “sorted” strong independent woman by then. I am stepping onto that 27th year now. And I am not sure how close I am to that whim of being sorted. But one thing I can say with absolute certainty – I am the BEST version of myself at this very moment.

I don’t understand why people associate being alone with being sad. This birthday was the most lonesome birthday I have ever had, but I was not sad for even one moment. I think my loneliest birthday was my 23rd Birthday and I was surrounded by tons of people. Well, irony.

Last year I turned 25, my parents had come over and it was a sweet family celebration. My parents wanted to throw a small party but I asked them not to. I would rather celebrate my day with the two people who mean the most to me in this world, than with a bunch of strangers who are border line acquaintances and friends. And who wants to take the stress of socializing with plastic smiles on one’s birthday? Plus the responsibility of hosting a party. Not me.

Today my parents couldn’t be with me and they were sad about it. They had their own societal/moral duties and responsibilities entangling them. And I completely respect that. Indian parents are usually very protective and pamper (read spoil) their kids a lot. While in western countries, one waits to leave their parents’ house – in India parents would feed you, shelter you as long as they possibly can. I am sure none of my non-Indian friends can fathom how a ‘joint-family’ works in India wherein all brothers, their wives, their children would live under one roof – the roof built by their dad!

So there was a lot of pitying around me for the fact that I was all alone on my birthday. People could not believe that I didn’t have a ‘plan’ for my birthday. My parents were distressed that they couldn’t make it. And I was absolutely fine. Is that weird?

I am someone who really gets excited for birthdays – it’s a day you celebrate YOU – maybe that’s why people thought I would be sad. But I don’t need someone else to celebrate myself. I can do that very well :) I am the only person who knows what I like the best! Nothing can go wrong there. So I bought myself gifts, I bought myself a bottle of wine (some fancy wine glasses to go along with that!), I played my favourite music – and I was as happy as a pig in shit (maybe bad analogy…hehe)

One thing I have learned as I turn 26 is that you cannot depend on someone else for your happiness. I have always been the kind who needs a push – I usually underestimate myself just coz I am extremely critical of myself (and others :P). And I tend(ed) to depend on others for my happiness. And I realized that was a recipe of a disaster. One ping from a ‘favourite’ person could make or break my day. How unhealthy is that? As children we are spoiled by our parents for all our needs and wishes – they bend their backs to see a smile on our face.  

I am happy today. And I owe it to myself. Isn’t that a proud happy feeling? Perhaps that was the final lesson I had to learn about being independent. I think it is very important to enjoy your company and know what makes you happy. When you wait for someone else to do things to make you happy, make you feel special, you are going to be disappointed. Been there, done that!

The only thing that didn’t happen to me this birthday (and has not happened for many birthdays) is a surprise. I have never got a surprise on my birthday (oh there was one time- when my mum told me that the city they were moving to was the one I was living in at that time :) Sweet poignant moment I remember. Surprises need not be 'things'). I am not easily surprised, thanks to my hyperactive imagination :P Now you get me a cake on my birthday and expect me to be surprised? Haha. Yea but if you flew down from another country to be there with me at midnight (I have done that for my sister once!) - that's a memorable surprise :)

Coming to gifts, I got myself a new phone, a pretty dress, a funky coffee mug and cushion cover for office use, couple of books that I always wanted to read, a decal wall art, also I made a cute pen and stuff holder. . .and the biggest and the most ambitious personal project of my life, the trip to Europe. It is turning out to be quite expensive :P Exactly one month away!

So far so good. I wonder what 27 holds for me and if I would really feel ‘wise’ at 27 – one year from now.


P.S: Here are the previous parts of the Birthday series -
How S turned 23

P.P.S: This is the 150th post of this blog.