Thursday, December 31, 2015

Give me Red

Picture of me in front of a fun grafitti, somewhere in Bombay :)
Another year draws to an end and I am back with another milestone blogpost. If there has to be a New Year resolution, it would have to be to write more often, on this blog and elsewhere. 2015 was neither a long year nor a short year, it was clearly divided into two halves. First half so different from the second. First part of the year had heartbreaks, chaos, soulful travelling and a promotion at work. Second part of the year was about cleansing my system, organizing the world around me and making some life-altering decisions. So yes, 2015 was a landmark year of my life. And 2016 is going to be another new beginning to yet another realm of life.

If I have to describe 2015 in one word it would be Clarity. As we grow older, we start becoming more skeptical. The innocence wears off and we start doubting everything around us. This year I have literally torn down my na├»ve self and donned the hat of a cynic. And yet I know the child in me is alive. I revel in the tiny pleasures of life but still feel so detached from the world. I hope I can take this sense of detachment with me to my old age. In a way I have become more self-centered, perhaps. I have experienced moments of truth where I have questioned my existence and why all of us exist anyway. I have mused about listening to my heart or my brain, and realized that a very different core directs my actions. It is neither my heart nor my brain. When I peek deep within me, I sense a voice – is it the gut? the subconscious? – a voice within, who is with me all the time. A witness to my life, my thoughts (brain), my feelings (heart) and all my actions (gut). Is this voice my soul? A soul preserved in a body. This year I have understood the role and place of my brain, heart, gut, soul and body in my life. These are not just concepts, these are truths that I have felt.

2015 was beyond my expectations – the highs as well as the lows. Last year I could have never imagined where I am today. Somehow, I felt more in control of things around me although they didn’t always go according to my will. Maybe because I didn’t try to take control of the things around me, but let them be. I have bawled, been depressed, felt lonely, laughed, felt ecstatic, grateful and blessed - all in one year.

The color of this year is Red. Blood red. Color of a thumping heart. Gone are the days of Yellows and Greens and Blue. For the uninitiated, every year I sum up the year gone by with a color, just like how Pantone does. Haha. But in my case, the color is about what has happened in my life in that year and how I have felt.

Hope you guys had a good year too! Wish you the best of everything you need and want.