Conversations

I keep saying that I don’t like more than half of the people I meet (I should stop saying that!). I am quite fussy that way and it doesn’t take me too long to know if I like someone. Within moments of meeting someone new, I know if it’s worth my time and energy to be with or around that person. That is why a lot of times you would see me being all by myself. I am not a people’s person at all. I won’t call myself a loner, coz when I am around people I adore, I am very talkative, very animated, very comfortable with my surroundings. But given a choice between bad company and no company, I would go for the latter. I enjoy my own company- I am quite entertaining like that :D That is why I never feel bored. I may get restless, about things, but never bored. Even when I am alone, I always find something to do- even if that means having a cup of coffee alone, listening to music or curling up in the blanket and going to sleep. It is better than hearing someone go on and on about things I don’t care about.

But there was a phase when I was a people’s person. Let me rephrase this- there was a time when I would always have people around me, lot of talkative people, with a lot of conversations. House parties. BYOB kind of parties. And I would observe people and their conversations, especially when they were high.

Everybody talks about their experiences- how they went somewhere and did something and almost got into trouble / adventure and how they came out of it and what a great thrilling experience it was. Before the story reaches the end, someone else would interject and try to top that experience. Like a battle of stories. A battle to find out who is cooler than the others. Showing off. Nobody is really listening; everybody is waiting for the person to finish so that he could narrate his great legendary experience. THAT is my biggest problem. Nobody listens with the intent of listening, but with the intent of plugging their own story. A conversation which feels like a relay race is a total turn off. A conversation needs to flow like two rivers, intermingling with each other, sharing experiences, co-creating meaning in doing so. That is why I don’t enjoy being a part of a conversation, unless I am really interested in what you have to say, coz am all ears y’know. And I can’t pour my thoughts out unless I know what I say matters. If you can’t improve the silence then STFU, is my mantra.

But over the years, I have learnt how to fake interest and seem like a good listener even if I don’t care. I learnt how to do that when I started working. I am a very curious person, so asking questions and wanting to know more comes very easily. Being in the Communication industry, I have to be a people’s person, I have to listen to people and I have to get heard.

So when a REAL good conversation comes along, I find it very difficult to let go. I treasure good conversations that are effortless and natural. Conversations where I don’t have to think before speaking, where I don’t have to fake interest, where there is no room for pretence. A soulful conversation, I call it.