Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I am a loser.. NOT!

(though I have got over that feeling, precisely the reason why I am able to write this post now!)

Yea.. so I felt like a loser.. till sometime back. Now after doing random facebook stalking, reading several unrelated blogs, having a belly aching laugh with S over my childhood antics, eating a cream biscuit.. I am back to my normal self again. I am smiling. :)

Coming back to the point- Being a loser. Well.. well.. One placement offer that I had been eyeing for over a month now, rejected me last night. The offer was great. It wasn't the work profile I wanted, but it was something interesting. And the company was Big. And the money they were offering was also Big. And since the money was big, I thought I could at least pay back my loan and live respectfully without asking for more money from home! It was an opportunity that a sane person wouldn't miss. And so almost the entire class had applied for it :D

I applied too and went through the entire grill of placement process. Right from GD to the final interview, spent 8 hours into it, only to be rejected in the end. If you look at the brighter side, I was at least shortlisted and could experience the process unlike others who tasted defeat right in the beginning. But this doesn't appease the pain. It is just a consolation. What I felt was a complete "Loser" feeling, which honestly I have not felt very often. It is perhaps the only Interview that I have not cracked. It is not to say that I am very brilliant; the thing is I either don't reach the "interview" round :P or if I reach I crack it. :)

The people who cracked the interview and got the offer letter with a handsome sum of annual salary, are not the most intelligent people of the class. In fact the apparent "toppers" of the class actually lost it. Just like me. The people who made it are the "smart" lots. They don't have their noses dipped in books, they don't get the best marks in class, they don't have 90% attendance.. they are the people who enjoy their life, and have committed mistakes, they live a spontaneous life without planning years ahead of them.

And looking at them, I felt like a loser. I felt like the white swan*.

But I don't feel like a loser anymore because I have realised that it is not really ME. I am not that girl. And if I try to become that, I'd be a bigger loser! I am extremely positive that what is meant for me, will come to me no matter what. And I am happy the way I am right now. Effervescent.

* Have you watched the movie Black Swan? It is one crazy movie. Go check it out! It is AWESOME.

63 comments:

  1. Loved this post.One of the bests I've read. I have been through it. Cleared the written test, GD and even did well in the interview or so I thought. We were all called in the evening to the placement office for the result. I was hopeful and excited. They kept us waiting for a few nervous minutes and when the list was finally put up, I searched for the name which wasn't there! The world came crashing down but even then I congratulated my friends who got through. While coming back to hostel, the lucky ones were calling their moms with amid smiles and cheers and I was walking with a heavy heart, alone, crying all the way. I'd never felt so sad, so lonely in life. Now I think that was not to be so it didn't happen. I lacked what they were looking for but it doesn't mean I'm a loser. Absolutely loved the last para. Emphatic, confident, hopeful. :) Forgive me, I've written a veritable mini post here but your post kid of forced me to write it. All that came back to me and so vividly. All the best to you. :) Now I'll go see Black Swan.

    PS : You missed a funny post and my one of my bests! :) This is the link - http://ajaykgp.wordpress.com/2011/01/22/things-i-dont-understand/ So much for self-promotion. :D

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  2. Yes, you don't need to transform into the black swan, the white swan is lovely. :)

    And yes, Darren Aronofsky is good, so is his Black Swan.

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  3. S di, what's your real name??? Facebook e search maarbo.

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  4. @ Ajay:
    Thank u sooo much!!
    I could hear myself out in your words-
    While coming back to hostel, the lucky ones were calling their moms with amid smiles and cheers and I was walking with a heavy heart, alone, crying all the way. I'd never felt so sad, so lonely in life.
    I couldn't write these lines in my post, because I choose to believe that I have got over it!

    :) Will check out the link! Howww did I miss?!! :D

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  5. @ Sayak:
    :) Yes! The white swan is lovely.
    Thanks a ton for you know what.

    @ Eesha:
    O rey baba.. ki dorkar search maarbar :P ami aachi to ekhane :)

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  6. koi na re, you'll get a bigger one. With a biiiig package.
    And if you think that fun is all about having flings or alcohol and stuff, try being a 'sufi' as they call it here.
    Midnight walks, night outs before exams mass bunks and then roaming in front of the same lecturer... and yet many small things.
    Don't rate your fun on other's scale, you can do better.

    And best of luck for the next company.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  7. Ah C'mon. You cant become a loser if you dont party and drink. You are who you are and you cant lose your values just because others did. Making sense? And about the placement, may be that company was not where you were meant to be. The best is yet to happen sweetie.

    Chillax :)

    Will watch Black Swan this weekend :)

    Cheers,
    Sukanya

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  9. khe khe khe... this is good.. :)

    m goin thru exactly the opp scenario of urs.. :( i got selected in two companies n got the offer also.. now strugglin to select the best.. :D

    anyway al the best.. u kno 4 yrs back i attended 14 interviews in total n got selected in the 14th one... so dont worry okay...somethin better is waitin for u...

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  10. @ BA:
    I don't think Bigger package would happen :P This one was like the biggest possible :D Anyhow, talking about fun.. I have done fun things.. similar to what you have mentioned.. The problem is I have never enjoyed the fun things. It's kinda ironic. Watch Black swan. Please.

    @ Sukanya:
    I know! I realised. And hence the post after I got over the loser feeling :D Am fine now :) Yea.. may be that company wasn't there in my destiny.. but grapes are sour you know :P
    Yes. Watch that movie. It is terrific.

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  11. @ Esha:
    Amar naam shobar shamne niyo na :) amra FB e katha bolbo, thik aache? :)

    @ Anoop:
    YOU.. are laughing!! :-|
    One lucky bum you are to have two offers in hand.. and you are laughing at my misery..
    :D All the best to you. May you make the right decision :)

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  12. Lifes like dat. .
    I felt like a total looser after doin many screw ups recently and got jacked by my teachers for dat. . Am over dat phase I guess. . Anyway keep it goin!

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  13. Definitely not a loser for not drinking and partying. :D
    But I know the feeling. Of feeling like a loser for not doing any of this stuff, and on top of that not getting into what you thought would be your dream company. It's okay to feel bad, but it's better to get over it! :)
    Go gorge on some chocolate and smile! :)

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  14. hey..no..i dint mean to laugh at u... :)
    hope i wil make the right decision.. i havent..as yet :|

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  15. @ Rohan:
    :) Thanks for dropping by!
    Good you got over that. :)

    @ Preeti:
    You got it right! And I have definitely got over it.. precisely the reason why I could post this :)

    @ Anoop:
    All the best :) with your decision. Do share the news with us!

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  16. That's a very genuine post... I'm glad you are out of that phase now... :)

    For the fun part, I too hate drinking or smoking and nor do I like partying... People might call me boring but who cares... I find happiness in writing, cooking, reading and so that;s fun for me... we all find pleasures and happiness in different things... Not necessary what pleases others should please you as well... The idea is to do what makes you happy rather than guilty...

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  17. Love your honesty! Bad luck with the placement thing.
    Incidentally I'm going through a "I'm a loser" phase myself, so identified more with the post.

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  18. @ Tanishka:
    *Same pinch* :)

    @ blunt edges:
    Wherrrrrrrrrrrrrre were u all this while? :|
    misssed you!
    hope ur "loser" phase doesn't last too long! All the best.

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  19. Oh man I miss the placement season! It was just so scary. A rejection was like this big fat slap on your face. (It got worse when other people snigger about their success. Ouch).

    In the end, when you're finally placed and out of all that social anxiety, you'll think it's quite stupid. People don't get what they deserve. That's a fact!

    May I suggest one thing - don't compromise on the job profile! Money is nothing - absolutely nothing - compared to the awesomeness of doing something you love.

    [I've started giving lectures - maybe I should become a teacher!]

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  20. @ Kartikay:
    I understand that "this is just a phase" but keeping patience is so difficult !!!
    And I completely agree on the job profile bit.. especially considering the industry I am in.. it is extremely significant I feel..
    Lekinnnnnn... I can't work for peanuts right! I won't be happy anyway :-|

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  21. Loved the post...maybe because it reflects a lot that happens/is happening in my life...I was worried about job myself till a couple of months back...all the weeks of thinking whether joining MBA as a fresher was worth it and what not...and of course the thoughts of how people wud react if a topper fails to get hold of a job...

    And even the no drinking no partying person 's description suits me perfectly...not that I've called myself loser...but yeah, there have been time I've considered myself to be the most boring and outdated gal...I just just can't imagine myself in a pub or disc...dancing on a DJ kind of stuff...and well forcing me in them would just make me more uncomfortable...

    Toh well...I'm like u...and trust me, people like us are never defeated...we do get to the downs, only to rise up...so for sure you'll get a very good job...and as it is, slow n steady wins the race...sometimes more than the package, the profile matters (I've actually seen the ones way behind me get a package higher than me, and it does make me feel bad for a while...but then I can't stop believing in myself na :) surely one day my profile would make me go higher...just don't loose hope..)

    And if I blabber anymore, there would be a serious question in people's mind if the blog is mine or yours :)

    All the best gal...you 'll do it, and do it well...much better than peanuts...I just know :D

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  22. @ Pooja:
    Thank u :)
    your long comments are truly welcome..
    I am just waiting with bated breath to have a good news for my next blog post *sigh*

    :D
    Thank youuuu for all your wishes! Pray for me :)

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  23. Loved this post - brought back so many memories! :-) This was one of the discussions me and my friends used to have...

    According to me, you are not a loser if you don't get a certain job, you are not a loser if you don't party, you are not a loser if you party, in fact you are never a loser as long as the real competition, the real race to excel is with your own self :-)

    In the bigger picture, bigger scheme of events, stumbles don't account for failures. Hang in there, I am sure something more worthy will come your way...

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  24. @ celestialrays:

    :) all you settled guys are getting nostalgic while I am biting my nails this side :P i totalllly agree with you on racing with ones own self!

    Thanks for all your wishes :)

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  25. i had the same exact feeling whn i lost one of my fangs once.. :(
    So the next day i ate an HR guy and the fang grew back again :D :D

    We lose so tht others can win :) And when the others lose we win! Thts the circle of life Pumbaa!! Now will someone lift me up in the air frm a cliff top? :D :D :D :D :D

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  26. ok seriously not being a party girl does not make u a loser! to each his own...and if there is one thing ive learnt from past experiences (esp with job related stuff) its that when one door closes, another opens somewhere! just have some patience! :)

    all the best for all other interviews! :)

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  27. @ Count Bratula:
    We lose so tht others can win :) And when the others lose we win!
    Get you! :)
    Am all ready to win now \m/

    @ Sunshine:
    ok ok ok.. that was a feeling i was going through.. I know am not a loser :)
    am waiting for those dooooooooors to open now :) and am on an optimistic spreee :D
    Thank u for alllll ur wishes :)

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  28. Be yourself...there's nothing better than that. And what's supposed to come your way will come, no matter what! :-) Always remember that...

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  29. Following your blog from now :-)

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  30. @ Ashwathy:
    :) Thank u!
    Yes. And something GOOD will come my way! :)

    p.s: Welcome to my blog :)

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  31. Candid and honest. Ss you grow older you will let go of your inhibitions, discover who you are and what you are. And if you've done it all and seen it all now, what's there to look forward in the future?

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  32. See, I was never cleared any of the On Campus interveiws and like you even felt as you were feeling. But now I am happy and satisfied with what I got. In fact trust me finding a job out of campus is a tough deal but once you succeed in that the sense of accomplishment is unmatchable :) So believe in "whatever happens happens for good :)

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  33. @ Purba:
    U sound like my mom :)
    Thanks for dropping by.

    @ Smita:
    Ahem.. to imagine not getting placed from college is kinda scary! :) But yes, whatever happens happens for good! And good things happen to good people :)

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  34. Wow.. I could hear myself in your post.. I've written something very similar that is sitting in my drafts.. I never had the courage to publish it.. :(

    You inspire me..

    And yes, life is like that. Shit happens. But we get over it and move on to better things. Good luck :)

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  35. @ Pepper:
    Thank u :)
    And that inspiration bit was too much of a compliment :P
    And yes. Am flushing off the shit that happened :)
    Thanks for dropping by :)

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  36. S ... i dont know what to say, but after a look 2 ur post, i can say 1 thing .. All d water of sea can't sink a ship unless it gets inside it. similarly negative of world can't put you down unless u allow it to get inside.

    Just keep in mind "The moment you are feeling bad after rejection ,not permanent for whole life. Someday in future you will recall this moment and will rejoy...

    All d best

    n yes, according to me Luck only favor those, who are in Action. so no need to think about other result and what they are, may be , they did something good , any time in der life, and this was there result.

    Nothing will work Unless you DO....

    Thank you
    I am following you...

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  37. @ Suryakanta Swain:
    Thanks for all the motivation :) I sure have pulled my socks up now.
    Bring it on, I say \m/ m ready for challenges :)

    p.s: welcome to my blog :)

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  38. Ah man, I have so many days when I just don't like myself anymore. But I realized there's always a certain trigger, some event, something someone said, which brings you down and because the self needs someone to place the blame on, we are just tough on ourselves.

    I don't think anyone went about life without feeling like a loser, and then realizing how awesome they really are. :)

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  39. hello S,

    This is a very 'dil se' post. Remember, you have got to be YOU. believe in yourself. It will all work out in the end. I am glad you have realised that you dont have to be like someone else who has done a lot of wacky stuff, studied less, partied harder and yet got the job. It doesnt matter dear what others do or how they are. You have got to hold a high self esteem. All of us are different in our own ways.
    I have felt like you on few occasions in the past. talking to parents helps in such situations as they make us realise how special we are.

    You are one special blogdost of mine. I hope everything works out well for you. Trust me, patience and perseverance pays. You will get there!

    Love
    Always Happy

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  40. @ AH:
    Thank you for that reassurance :)

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  41. You know during my placement the same thing happened to me , i missed my dream company :( . But the one i got later added wings to my dream. So don't worry whatever happens, happens for good !All the best .

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  42. @ neha:
    thank u..
    am waaaaaaaaaaating to get wings on my dream :)
    That impatience had just started creeping up again, and you commented. Thank u :)

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  43. to be yourself is the best thing one can do to oneself in life :) One need not follow others just to be slotted like them :) Individuality is what is precious and I'm glad you understand it's worth :)

    About not cracking that interview-sigh ! It hurts,surely ! But finally you reached there where others could not-so you've a reason to feel high. But you didn't reach where others did reach-too bad but you've a reason to look forward for what is stored for you-something which is exclusively planned for you ? :) That's the way to look at it and move on,right? :)

    So smile and wait for the best thing that is yet to come :) Good Luck !

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  44. oh and came back to say that cracking interview has nothing to do with scoring good marks and carrying highest attendance :) I'm sure you know the trick by now,yeah ?

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  45. @ Scribby:

    I know..I know :)
    and I did move on..and am looking forward to other things right now.. But this bug of impatience keeps biting me all the time.. and that's my biggest obstacle right now- My restless mind :)

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  46. Time to update your blog. Hmm? :)

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  47. :D I should I should..
    Am on sort of a blog break
    koi "good" news ho.. to I should blog na :P
    waiting for something positive to happen! Or else.. all I shall do is whine! :|

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  48. I guessed that. Well we're all waiting to hear good news from you. I just hope the wait is not long. Good luck to us. All the best to you. :)

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  49. Thank u so much, Ajay :)
    Pray also ok :D

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  50. The dream gets bigger with every failure. Always, remember the failures. They will make you successful one day.

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  51. very well said!!
    will always remember that :)

    p.s: welcome to my blog :)

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  52. A post is looooooooooong over due on this beautiful page. *waiting* *waiting*.

    Hope you are doing well S.

    Always Happy

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  53. *sigh* yesss!!
    Am just looking for a "news" to update :)
    Should be real soon now :)
    *hug*

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  54. Very well said (written) S :)
    Wishing you good luck :)

    Much Love & care :)

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  55. O thank u Bhargavi!
    And welcome to my blog :)

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  56. hey...al the best for your job hunt.. :D if u r engineer, let me know..mayb i can help.. :D

    n hey i saw black swan.... :O u said its awesome.. bleh... i dint understand the movie, first of all.... :D :O :(

    thanks for droppin by... :)

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  57. About time for the next post, don't you think?
    :)

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  58. no, you are not a loser. and i love the black swan! :D

    thanks for commenting on my blog

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  59. Hey Chocolate Diva..
    (I love your name, by the way)
    I am a loser, not :)
    Thanks for dropping by.

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  60. Well I know very well that you are not a loser and in fact you never were.

    The picture of the swan is too cute. :)

    Black Swan? Entered my list :). Looking forward to it now.

    ...lol...about your comment on eesha's comment. Too cute. Wait I'm sending you a mail :)

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I love hand-written notes :)