Sunday, August 4, 2013

Ask . Be vulnerable .

How difficult is it to ask? To ask for what you want. To ask what you want to know. To ask for help. To ask for more. By asking, you open a window. Through this window, either a strong wind can gush in and create a storm, making you feel disheveled  or it could be a comforting breeze or a beam of warm sunshine that will make you feel at home, more than you ever were. Asking makes us vulnerable. It is an emotional risk. And you may get hurt after all. All you need to ask yourself is whether it is worth getting hurt. Would you rather not have it at all, or take the risk of being trampled over?

By being vulnerable you can understand whether it is worth the risk. You keep yourself spread open to be devoured, to be exploited. Is that foolish, being vulnerable? But isn’t vulnerability the only truth? Everybody hides. Everybody wants to be bullet proof. Deep inside, under the layers of confidence, there is always a speck of unsure uncertain being. And what happens when you let someone unlayer you? It is a common grievance- You don’t understand me. But for anybody to understand you, you need to be vulnerable. Show them who you are. With all your imperfections. You need courage to be vulnerable. You need courage to show that you are not perfect. That your life is not perfect. You need to know that you are only human. Humans make mistakes. We were born to be imperfect. And it is these tiny imperfections that make you an individual. It is that raw vulnerability that is so attractive. Being raw, and not being pasted with the glitter of the environment around. The glitter needs to come from within.

When you are a child, you have no qualms about asking coz that is how you see things. You ask for it, either you get it or you don’t. And if you still want it, you ask again. And again. You show how badly you want it. But as you grow up, you stop asking. You don’t want to look desperate. ‘I can do without it, what is the big deal’- you try to ‘grow up’. How difficult was it to ask your parents that you wanted to hear a story? How difficult was it to ask that you wanted another serving of that ice-cream? How difficult was it to ask that you wanted a bicycle for your birthday? How difficult was it to ask that you wanted to play for another hour? It was not. But as you grow up you feel that asking makes you look lesser. It is almost an obligation. It is almost like you are begging. But it is not. When you can ask for something, giving out your naked vulnerable self, you establish a connection. An emotional connection. That shows how much you want something. That you are ready to forget who you are, and ask without being scared of being trampled over. When you asked your parents that you wanted a bicycle for your birthday, you were more than certain that it won’t happen. But you go right ahead and ask. Why? Coz you are not afraid of putting yourself out there, with all your hopes, all your needs, all your desires. 

I have always been the kind who had problems asking for something I wanted. I wanted people to read my mind, to understand what I needed at that moment. So much so, and my family would nod their heads in agreement, I would have trouble asking for food if I was hungry. If somebody asked me if I wanted another slice, I would say no, coz I didn't want to seem greedy or whatever, even if I was hungry and in my own home! So yes, asking doesn't come easy to me. But I have learnt in the past couple of years, that 'asking' takes you a long way. More than anything, it clears your head. . .without wondering, what if I had asked?


  1. wat if u r denied wat u ask for... wen we ask as kids,its not a gr8 problem if we r not granted dat wish... but d stakes r higher as an adult... may be dats why, many tyms we r reluctant to ask... many tyms we regret after asking.

  2. @ Anonymous:

    I understand what you mean by regret after asking. But I feel, regretting or not regretting is a choice you make. If you don't ask, you will regret that too.

    So what happens when you are denied what you ask for? Well, that depends on how badly you want it, how crucial is it for you? By being vulnerable, you realize whether it is worth it after all.

  3. It is never a problem to ask, for big things or small things, as long as you can deal with the happiness that comes when what you asked for is given to you, and deal with the sorrow that comes when it is not. If you can deal with both... "Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son" :)

  4. So it is 50-50 % chances right? And if I don't ask or hope, it will be 100% NO. There is never a problem dealing with the happiness, it is the sorrow which sucks!

    P.S: That's one of my favourite poems! :) I think I have blogged about it too.

  5. Something which works for me ...ask without any expectation. You are more likely to get what you want and even if you don't it's not gonna hurt. If you don't take the whole asking business too seriously, you're more likely to get what you want and much much less likely to get hurt.:)

  6. If only not expecting came that easy. How can you ask and not expect to get it? How can it go hand in hand? You ask coz you want / need it, right?

  7. A thought provoking post indeed.

    As babies we cry when we need something(and we mostly likely get what we need & we are not bothered about the reactions or responses) , As children we ask our parents for whatever we need(Sometimes we get and sometimes we don't & at the same time we start observing the reactions and responses). And as we grow older we become wise and start thinking about whether it is right or not to ask. Whether what will the opposite person think ?, how will he react? ,What if he doesn't like the way I asked etc etc and hence most of the times we decide against asking. (Our inner self becomes so complicated even for simple things as we grow old. May be the side effects of social living :)...)

    If we think deeply about it , there is definitely a point here. We ask only when we think that the other person can understand it perfectly. Only when we think that the other person will not mind our asking even if he/she doesn't like it. In short we tend to ask only the person with whom we are comfortable with and whom we think can understand us perfectly. (some people never think all these things and simply ask openly irrespective of all the ifs , buts and consequences.)

    P.S. ~ Your last para made me smile real wide. You would not ASK even if you were hungry that too at HOME ?? .......It's ok, nothing will happen to you if you take another slice or two. Oh come on, have it. :P

    P.P.S. ~ And for not so less common people the thing which bothers is "What if I had not asked?"

  8. From asking the bus conductor for change to asking a girl out, it's mostly :


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