take your pick

What would you pick- A loyal partner or a faithful partner?

R for Random. S for...

I love to talk.

That is when I am in a good mood.

And if I am really happy, I’d be chirpy, hopping around, talking.

I love talking randomly with people I am close to. I mean really randomly. My tangents can be really steep. One moment I’d be talking about 'this' and the next moment I might be talking about something completely unrelated. And I love doing that. The person usually is puzzled trying to join dots of my conversation, until he finds out how random I could get.

And since I have nothing in particular to write here, I’d be talking random- how I usually do. And you, I’m sorry, will have to bear with my eccentricity.

I had a bad mouth bashing with some people today. And I was irritated as hell. And though I gave a piece of my mind, I am not satisfied. Now I am waiting for the next thing to happen, so that I can prove my stance. The point of argument here is very stupid and not-blogable, so I shall refrain.

I don’t know why my net is not working, I am writing on Word doc and then I’ll have to copy-paste it later. Double effort.

My laptop has become OLD. I shall be celebrating its fourth anniversary in sometime. I want it to survive for another one year and a little more than that, till I get a job and buy another one on my own. I recently saw someone using a Macbook with a red cover. And I found it really really pretty.

I want to read books. I want to watch movies. I want to listen to music. I want to read. But somehow I don’t find time. And that is bull shit. Cos I waste a lot of time. But on second thoughts I used to waste a lot more time during my graduation. How is it, I’m always in the same pit!

I hate it when I write on a word doc, and the smart system puts red and green lines under my sentences. I get a mental block. I need to remove all the red/green lines to be able to start writing again. Hmph…such a waste of time (Oh I knew you wouldn’t understand ‘Hmph’…you MS WORD! **right click...ignore all**)

At the age of 22 (in a few days), I have already become old. I already complain like a grandma about my back ache, my digestive system, my bones, my eyes. Everything is in place, but needs a servicing. I want hoooooooooommmmmmmmeeeee!!

I don't like college anymore. I want home. My home. I hope after I start working, my life sees better days than this. I really really want a house of my own.

I tasted red wine last night. And it tasted sad. Wine out of all other things I thought would taste good. But No. Coming to my favourite topic, I had an amazing dinner last night. I had authentic Malyalee food. And though I detested beef all this while, for the first time in my life last night I relished it. I had tasted beef several times before and always hated it. But much to my surprise, the mal style beef was crazy. He was beaming with joy that I finally did warm up to his favourite meat.

My birthday is around the corner. And this time somehow I am not looking forward to it. Period.

I am so sleepy. The lunch in the mess today was sad. I love the silence in my room.

Few weeks back, thanks to one of my teachers, I sent a story to Chicken Soup for the College Soul. I was brutally rejected. Ok not brutally; the lady was sweet to me, but I was sad. Apparently my story wasn’t emotional enough. They needed a ‘moral’ at the end of the story. What? Am I writing Aesop's fables? The day dreamer that I am, I had already found a place in cloud nine for planning my career in writing. Jokes apart, I am going to send another story for the next issue, hopefully with more emotions and morals :P

I need to wash clothes. When will the room cleaning squad come to my room? My room has been made a mess!

He has become an atheist.

I have to take a bath. Or should I watch Grey’s Anatomy instead? Why is the internet still not working? I have to check the meaning of Esplanade in the dictionary. It is a name of a Bengali restaurant in Bangalore. Want to go there. Heard it is expensive.

I want to own a restaurant one day.

I love Appy Fizz, but I think the 20rs bottle is over priced.

Alright enough randomness, it is already 4 o’ clock. I should wrap up. Ta!

When I was younger..

Though adulthood comes with all its perks, there are a number of times when you want to go back to those days of abandon and nonchalance. Everybody when looks back yearns to be transported back to their schooldays- when as cliched it may sound all you wanted was to watch television when you were not supposed to or not be asked to study or clean your room...

But I beg to differ.

Honestly I do not want to go back to my days of childhood. Recently I stumbled upon a few young bloggers, (who I must say write brilliantly) and I could see specks of myself in every post. The insecurity, the envy, the ambition, the self- pep talks, the love, the attachment, the faith, the disgust, the fears..it all came gushing back to me as I went through their blogs.

"We are adults!!

How did that happen? 

And how do we make it stop? "

- Meredith Grey

It is like choosing the lesser evil. In the good old days life was just as capricious as it is right now.

To Blog...With Love

A smile comes to me whenever I see their update on my dashboard- these are a few bloggers whom I love to read. And a comment from them, makes my day! So, this is to you all... :)


Judy Balan- The best piece of shit in this world. I love the humor that comes out of all the cribs. And Oh those one liners :) You have to read it, to believe it.
Blunt Edges- He can't really be called a blogger. He's a zombie who roams around in the blogosphere commenting on people's blog from time to time! But he's damn good at it :D
Asif- He is a sensitive writer, who comes across as an absolute genuine human being.
Sunshine- She is the whiff of fresh air. Even her mundane writing gives me a new perspective all the time.
In the Meantime- He is an evolving writer. I absolutellllly love some of his last posts \m/
Chloe- If only you wrote more often, Chloe! :) You know you are loved! Get well Soon.
Vivify- She is an inspiration. I look forward to her posts ALL THE TIME.
Reflections- She has gone for a sabbatical and is totally missed in the blog world. I love her sarcasm and her adorable daughters. Like mothers, like daughters? Come back, Nancy.
Preeti- She is The writer :) I love her effortless writing. She is the positive beam of light on my blog :D

Thank you all for being a part of my Blog life!
Have a happy day ahead :)

A Happy Friendship Day...Not !

All I got to have all my life was acquaintances. Not friends. 

Can we have a 'Happy' Acquaintance day for me?

I was one introvert kid. The real shy one who has to be dragged out of the room to be introduced to the guests at home, who walks around in the park with hands at the back looking at kids playing, who waits for people to ask her if she wants to play, who keeps her mouth shut in front of strangers, who rehearses lines in her mind before talking for the first time....

Am not that anymore. Thankfully so. But a major part of my life I was like that. And it was not easy. Moving from place to place only made it worse. Making friends was not my thing. Honestly, I don't think I ever made friends. Even the acquaintances I have from my childhood are the people who came up to me and tried to be friends. Everything was transitory for me. After one point of time, I started looking at everything as something that will ultimately fade away. And that might be one reason why I could never make friends. First, I never met the right people. Second, I never made an effort. Because everything was ephemeral. I looked at everything from the point of view of next one year, two years or three years that I would have to be with them. I would have 'moved on' in my mind already .

But one good thing that happened in the process was that I became very very close to my family. Because that was the only thing constant in my life, even when I moved from one city to another. As an adolescent or a teenager I don't think I had ever been a problem for my parents. I was fairly good at studies. I listened to my parents. My parents were very very understanding. And I had an elder sister who's not a brat either. So on the family front, I just got the perfect family who would stand by me all through.

So when I look around, and see people hanging out together being like the best of buddies, I feel a void in my heart. Circumstances have never let me have friends. Ones I could really call Friends. Someone who would fit those cliched lines in the Archies cards that people exchange on Friendship day.

And now though I am not that introvert kid anymore, and can talk my mind when I have to- I am not particularly a People's person. I can only handle acquaintances now. If somebody tries to be very friendly, I can not digest it. I start maintaining a distance. At the outside, I might be the happy bubbly jumpy girl who everybody likes to talk to, but inside I am the dark cloudy woman who shuns people because she's scared to lose them after having them once.

...and I am NOT a man yet!!

IF By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

... and I am NOT a man yet!!

L if E revolves around the word ‘if’. Literally.


IF is one of my most favourite poems. Every time I read it, I connect to it at different levels. I can see tiny specks of my life in every line of this poem. But if only it was really so inspirational. It is. But I doubt if things really do work this way in our lives anymore.

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise"

Like really???
Kipling proclaims that the earth will be all his- he who can follow all the IF conditions of the poem. That ‘he’ really got to be something. An advertising person perhaps- he who wears a thick skin, accepts all the brickbats, holds his head high, swaggers to his office everyday and wears a smile to survive in the sadistic atmosphere of Advertising. A thankless, carnivorous, contentious world to be in.

And I realised today, this poem was indeed written for people like me. All those who are anywhere related to advertising industry, ponder over it for a minute. It really is for us.

The roar.

Just because the Lion has not roared yet doesn’t mean he’s not a Lion really. He is a Lion. A mighty one at that. The majesty of the jungle. And when time comes he will roar and swoop and do what he’s meant to do in his life. But why is he waiting? What indolence? The foxes and the elephants are doing their tricks. What if the Lion doesn’t get the chance to pounce and command his worth? What if he ends up living all his life under the highness of the morons of the jungle? Why doesn’t he roar?