I am a loser.. NOT!

(though I have got over that feeling, precisely the reason why I am able to write this post now!)

Yea.. so I felt like a loser.. till sometime back. Now after doing random facebook stalking, reading several unrelated blogs, having a belly aching laugh with S over my childhood antics, eating a cream biscuit.. I am back to my normal self again. I am smiling. :)

Coming back to the point- Being a loser. Well.. well.. One placement offer that I had been eyeing for over a month now, rejected me last night. The offer was great. It wasn't the work profile I wanted, but it was something interesting. And the company was Big. And the money they were offering was also Big. And since the money was big, I thought I could at least pay back my loan and live respectfully without asking for more money from home! It was an opportunity that a sane person wouldn't miss. And so almost the entire class had applied for it :D

I applied too and went through the entire grill of placement process. Right from GD to the final interview, spent 8 hours into it, only to be rejected in the end. If you look at the brighter side, I was at least shortlisted and could experience the process unlike others who tasted defeat right in the beginning. But this doesn't appease the pain. It is just a consolation. What I felt was a complete "Loser" feeling, which honestly I have not felt very often. It is perhaps the only Interview that I have not cracked. It is not to say that I am very brilliant; the thing is I either don't reach the "interview" round :P or if I reach I crack it. :)

The people who cracked the interview and got the offer letter with a handsome sum of annual salary, are not the most intelligent people of the class. In fact the apparent "toppers" of the class actually lost it. Just like me. The people who made it are the "smart" lots. They don't have their noses dipped in books, they don't get the best marks in class, they don't have 90% attendance.. they are the people who enjoy their life, and have committed mistakes, they live a spontaneous life without planning years ahead of them.

And looking at them, I felt like a loser. I felt like the white swan*.

But I don't feel like a loser anymore because I have realised that it is not really ME. I am not that girl. And if I try to become that, I'd be a bigger loser! I am extremely positive that what is meant for me, will come to me no matter what. And I am happy the way I am right now. Effervescent.

* Have you watched the movie Black Swan? It is one crazy movie. Go check it out! It is AWESOME.

Knock knock

I am going through one of those phases of life when you need to be really patient. And I am not the kind who takes a deep breath and waits and keeps patience. I am the kind who takes tension, imagines the worst and does nothing about it. Yes, I am a pessimist.
And though I would also add that I am a fantastical optimist in many many ways, I usually  tend to become pessimistic in the name of "being prepared for the worst". And that doesn't work. All I need right now is a little patience and a little will power. And things will fall in place. I am waiting with bated breath for this time to pass. I am waiting to get a job.

Hey you.. Mr. Opportunity! Come knock my door.

Blogging.. ab, yahan, aise!

I have been away for sometime now...and have a LOT OF unread posts! Please excuse me if I'm not able to comment on your blog timely :) You can now expect a deluge of comments from my side.

I have a clarification to make. My last post was a little misunderstood I guess :-|
I was trying to be witty and tell people how despite having all the reasons, I still couldn't blog...but.. people only understood my excuses and not the fun things I was upto..
Peooppppllleeeee... all the things that are mentioned in "When do people blog?" are the things that I did.. and not  my take on the subject :P So now please.. go ahead.. read that post again.. and come back here! After all I own a new awesome laptop now.. and have a piercing!! Don't you have things to say to me ;)

Will be back with a REAL post REAL soon!

Blogging.. kab, kahan, kaise???

When do people blog?

People blog when there is something to talk about. In fact everything that happens in a blogger's life is sifted on the basis of its worthiness to appear on the blog. Some of the common occasions that trigger the act of blogging are as follows-

1. Festive season like Christmas and new year churns out great blog posts, and also makes for many, though a tad boring, comments.. as most of the people happily send their wishes for the season! Such posts tend to be very elaborate and descriptive with all the prettiness and fun around.

2. Another favourite topic amongst bloggers is tales on travelling- things that happen on the way, stuff they see they experience, or something like "packing" and being excited for going home and then missing the train or something equally interesting! Such posts tend to be very funny or fascinating depending upon the story and the story teller.

3. Bloggers like to share their happiness by writing about new assets that are recently bought like a new Dell laptop and the several stories attached to buying the 'thing' with other details like the super cool red colour of the laptop and fancy attachments. Such posts are usually the 'happy' posts where others congratulate the blogger and the blogger feels on top of the world.

4. Whenever a blogger does something NEW, he/she is not only excited about doing it.. but also about telling  it to the whole wide world. New things, like the blogger getting a piercing, have their own charm and make for very enthusiastic blog posts buzzing freshness into the blog space.

5. Just like good news makes awesome blog posts, bad news also makes awesome, rather awesome-er,  blog posts. Something like a very very pathetic hair cut where the blogger would want to wrap herself in a shawl forever, turn out to become hilarious blog posts which immediately perk the blogger up with 'support' and 'love' from fellow blogger friends.

But there are times when bloggers can't post anything despite all the 'worthy' events happening around. Though the blogger strolls around the blogosphere visiting friends and strangers, he/she is not able to write a post to save the day! Following could be a few reasons for the inability-

1. The blogger may not blog because of the climatic conditions. No no global warming has nothing to do with this! *or may be it does* Many a times a change of location, like from Bangalore to a north indian city, during winters could be very hard on the blogger. The blogger may not be able to take the COLD, and end up lying curled up inside the warm blanket with the head outside, only reading other blogs.

2. Another reason for not blogging may spring from point # 1. The blogger might be so engrossed in reading other blog posts that he/she may not be able to write something equally nice and therefore end up writing nothing at all.

3. One more *major* reason why people don't blog is plain laziness. Period.

4. Sometimes bloggers don't write a post for a long time, if the earlier post had been very popular and received more than 30 comments, a rarity on the blog, for the first time. :D

5. Bloggers are usually of many kinds, but there are some intrinsic qualities that are found common in all bloggers. One such thing is being moody. The buck stops there.

P.S: ... so now you know why I was away !!!

I love to cry

Now this post may sound unusual. But well, I am a little like that :P
Yes, I love to cry. Tears have always been connoted with sorrow and tragedy. And there have been so many poems written and dialogues penned in movies to say how tears emote grief. And I don't really beg to differ. When I say I love to cry, I mean it in the very archetype way it is perceived by people at large. And it is weird I know.

Be it a sappy movie or poignant words in a book, I just love to cry. As a matter of fact, I'd rate my affection for something or someone based on how much I have cried for/on it. Like for example, the recent movie Guzaarish couldn't evoke a single tear off my chest (I KNOW... a very bad example :D). Now that means..somewhere it did not strike a chord with me, and the movie is meh! Like... I did not cry? That's my reaction!

Similarly, if I write something and my mom cries after reading it.. I actually feel very good. And it's not sadism, mind you. It's just me :P

Not only this, I cry even at accomplishments.. Like if I see a really really awesome dance or some one singing superb and know how much hard work has gone into it, I tend to shed tears.. If someone bounces back from failure, I cry.. all this out of happiness of course..

So I am like this tear vending machine.. but I don't cry in public.. and in case that happens, I at least don't howl and cry like I usually would.. (ok that's an exaggeration, people) In public, I cry like a lady ;) .. with warm tears kissing my cheeks.. and a straight sober face..

I would call myself an extremist I think, coz as much I can cry over a fall of a hat, I am a laugh riot all the same. Ok perhaps not laugh. But yea..am quite the smiling kinds :) heeheee.. :D (am sure you must have noticed the deluge of smileys in all my posts and comments) :) haaa... there you go again :)

Dil to baccha hai ji !!

I have some awesome blogger friends who write such interesting posts that I get all perked up to write on similar lines. One such interesting post is that by Pepper on childhood misconceptions :) it is a cute innocent post of a kid mind, please go ahead and enjoy it!

Here goes my list :)

1. My father happens to be an M. Pharm person. He used to work in Dabur as a production manager when I was about 6 years old. And the curious person that I was (am!!) I would stick around listening to my father talk to his office colleagues or at times even accompanying him to office during my summer break. For many years, I thought my dad was doing something 'wrong' and 'illegal', and would fear that he'd get caught one day. Reason? He used to deal with DRUGS!!! And the new car and the new house, only reaffirmed my thoughts that my father is doing illegal things :P

2. Being the pampered one in the family, I have always lived a very protected life. As a child, therefore, I was very scared of losing my family. I was scared of deaths and would cry endlessly just thinking about it. I still remember the time when I found out that everybody dies eventually. I was shocked to know that and confirmed it from my mother to finally accept it. Before that, I thought only bad people die. Good and kind people live. Now that equation is so simple!

3. Talking about that, I always thought that doctors or lawyers get their money only if they are able to cure the patient or win the case (respectively)

4. Like all kids know :P I always knew that babies are born from the stomach as doctor operates on it! The stretch marks on the tummy were quite an evidence.

5. My mom would always discard the clothes I would have outgrown saying,''these clothes have become small (for you)" and I would take it too literally assuming that the clothes are getting smaller day by day and hope that they'd fit my doll one day! :)

6. My sister is almost six years elder to me, which is a huge age gap and 'understanding' gap when you are watching television together. We'd be watching some funny act together, and my sister would start laughing 'understanding' the joke, while I'd be sitting dumbfounded looking at her. And I'll ask,"you got the joke?" She would be in a dilemma... coz if she says 'yes' then she'd have to explain the joke to the-six-year-younger-me and if she says 'no' I'd ask WHY she was laughing! I was quite irritating that way :P So my sister never liked watching TV when I was around, which basically meant that I was thrown out of the room :)

7. As a kid I was always confused wondering who was the elder one between my mom and my dad :) Dad looked tall and big, and went out to work..so he must be the elder one..but mom would scold dad and me, and we listened to her all the time..then she must be the elder one...
:P Who's the boss?

These are the few that come to my mind as of now... but the inquisitive kid that I was (yes, I am that kid who asked a lot of questions!! :P) I am sure I had a lot of misconceptions :)

Thanks Pepper..for letting me revisit my childhood :)

Wedding awesomeness

I love weddings. Haven’t been to many; perhaps that is the reason why it stirs so much excitement into me. All the people in my family and clan tied their knots when I was too young to understand matrimony. The only weddings I have enjoyed and ooh-aah ed over are the filmy weddings. How my smile stays stuck when I watch Hum Aapke Hain Kaun! :D And how I go gaga over wedding pictures of all celebrities or people I know. I love going through wedding albums.

And now I have a first hand experience of it all. Not my wedding, duh! My sister’s wedding. I have been super excited about it all along. Also because it was my only chance to enjoy bengali weddings, soaking myself in all the pleasures vicariously.

Although in my heart I was a little sad that I won’t be enjoying any of that in my wedding, I think I made up for it by having whole lot of fun anyways. For the uninitiated, my boyfriend is Christian. And though bengali weddings are extremely pretty to say the least, honestly I don’t think I want one anymore. And well, Christian weddings seem quite splendid anyway (from all the rom-coms I devour :P)

Coming back to my sister’s wedding… I was almost like a guest there since I reached home only 2 days prior to the wedding. But I made up for it by staying back for a few days after the wedding. Tee hee J The wedding in totality was quite a long affair thanks to all the hundred customs that we have. But it was so much fun. Some customs were outright infuriating and the feminist in me was yelling inside.  Like there was a custom where the groom’s mother would ask her son (this is before the baraat starts off for the venue), “Where are you going, son?” And the son has to reply, “I am going to get a slave for you, mother.” I was shell shocked when I heard this. I, as a representative from the bride’s family, had gone to escort the groom to the venue. I was really dumbfounded. R (my sister’s husband) is a sweetheart really, but such customs are just so downright offensive!

But overall… getting married is awesome :P especially with all the attention (and the gifts) that you get :D

Speaking about R, he is one gem of a person. Everybody who has met him in my family has loved him instantly. Right from elders to the irritating adolescents, he just gets along with everybody. That amazes me no end and I’m really happy that he’s fitted in so well with the fabric of our family. Before I even met him, I had had a bigggg argument with him :P (on gtalk :P) but things are brilliant between us now and he’s like a big brother I never had. Happy happy.

P.S: Guess what, it has not even been a month since my sister’s wedding, and my mom is being informed about suitable matches for her younger daughter. Very flattering I must say ;)